Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
