You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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