Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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