haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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