He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
