Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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