I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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