I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
