I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I've blown a few things in my day
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
