I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Randomize
