Already got asked if we're dating
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
