I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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