Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
