these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
