i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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