There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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