Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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