everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
