Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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