i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
