ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
is wine microwaveable?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
