My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
