Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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