yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
