I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
