my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I love having hate sex.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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