you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
