Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Randomize
