I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
