i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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