I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
