just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize