Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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