His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
