I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
