I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
