I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
