I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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