I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I stole a fireplace last night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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