That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
