does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
