Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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