Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
