can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
