so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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