he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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