you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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