did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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