I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Is Oprah even human
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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