I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
