she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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