I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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