I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Couch. On fire.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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