Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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