Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
