So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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