and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
