I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
