screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
