She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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