i just had sex bonerless
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
