Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize