Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
