I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
