I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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