i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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