my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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