allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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