omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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